Catastrophe Theory

Shut up and let me read the story!!

Death has fascinated us as humans and storytellers for at least as long as language has been around. For us, death is inescapable—the last great mystery. Countless authors have dedicated their lives to writing about a topic none of them have ever experienced. Some believe in an afterlife, others believe we achieve immortality through what we leave behind.

But as other authors have pointed out, immortality has its downsides too. Few things are more human than hearing the argument “eh, we’ll get bored of it eventually” and taking it at face value.

Ok—so our current situation is undesirable, as is immortality. Let’s eliminate fear of the unknown. What if we had control over our own death? What if some benevolent force took all the guesswork out of it, so we’d know we’d be immortal until we, ourselves, chose to die? And how would we know we’re ready?

And what if a group of people lived in a perfect utopia designed for their enjoyment, where jobs were plentiful, anyone could gain expertise in any skill, discrimination is nonexistent, and earning money were as easy as making frogs hump and selling their babies? (The frog’s babies.) What, then, could possibly make them decide they want to die?

Let’s find out.


The Story

I want to read all the posts at once! Give me them! (Warning: HUGE wall of text)

Summary of pre-WWaTS Catastrophe Theory (Spoilers. Provided for those who are ok with missing most of the jokes, or just trying to keep track of all the characters)

Pre-WWaTS Catastrophe Theory

Dolly hashed (most of) these out before intending to make the story public, as the screenshot quality and stylistic changes will demonstrate.

Before the Storm
In Which Self-Discovery Becomes Self-Sabotage
Hitting the Juice (love you, Claudia)
The Liu Family Makes a Tough Call
Everyone Grows Up Except Mike
Aileen’s Life is One Big MF-ing Never-Ending Party
Seven Days at the Von Haunt Estate (the really long ghost one)
Vignettes from San Myshuno
New Beginnings, or at least Sleeping with New People
Surprise!
The Shallot-Liu Family Exists Now!
The Only Title I Like
The Creation of a Legend
Claudia! Duck!
Everyone Gets Older Again, Which is a Vacuously True Statement Due to the Linear Passage of Time
Charlie in Charge
Aileen and Shu Rack Up the Partner Count Until Everyone is Uncomfortable, Pt. I
They’re Still Going At It, Pt. II
You’ve activated my trap card
La Madre Sin Rostro
Heart, Head, Hands, Hector
Shallot-Liu vs. Shu
I Call Shotgun! Pt. I
I Call Shotgun! Pt. II
To Being an ‘Us’ For Once
The J.E.s Replace Charlie with a Dog
Guide Me, North Star (Winterfest special, published in June)
The Grey Wedding
Eyebleach
Option 3 (i.e. where the story starts going off the rails tension-wise)

Present-Day Catastrophe Theory

Even the author has no idea what the hell is going on.

Part I: Open Floodgates, Closing Door
Love Day, Actually
No Place for a Heroine
Is this Loss?
Have Patience, Have Faith (in progress)
The Diagnosis (in progress)
Tarantella (placeholder)
The Induction of a Legend (placeholder)
Venus in Retrograde Rising (placeholder)
Haha you’re not (placeholder)
Getting the working titles for these three (placeholder)
Too many spoilers (placeholder)

Not Catastrophe Theory

Other stuff Dolly has done.

The Applied Apple Approach (story contest theme was apples… yeah, it was rough)